September 30, 2003

BUSH SPICKS OUT ON IMMIGRATION

Molestation of mentally impaired children and child prostitution are among the contributions 56 foreigners of 18 nationalities recently made to the Dade County community. Although their prior benefit to the Florida economy may have been overlooked by Hispanics resenting the term" illegal", Immigration and Customs chief, Michael Garcia saw things a different way. He rounded up the gang of 56 as a final gesture in the arrest of 1,000 predatory criminals and applauded his newly created agency of fifteen thousand agents .The goal of the sting according to Garcia was "to get these people off the streets." Rest assured that in at least the Florida case the foreigners will be deported.

Meanwhile another offshoot of the Homeland Security Agency has a new Bush appointee confirmed by the Senate. His immigration from Cuba as an unaccompanied minor and a Bachelors degree in business were ballyhooed on Capitol Hill and netted Eduardo Aguirre confirmation to oversee the Immigration Services and Benefit program. To accommodate the dramatic influx of "customers" his 750 million dollar budget will cover the cost of additional staff focusing on" increasing production quality ." One of Aguirre's first acts was to appoint Alfonso Aguilar as Chief of the Office of Citizenship. A primary objective will be to "promote instruction and training on citizenship responsibilities to U.S. citizens." Our advice is to imagine how Santa Anna might have instructed Davey Crockett in the manufacture of a coon skin cap.

If you are interested in employment with these affirmative action driven boondoggles, be prepared to spend two to six months in training with the final goal of achieving a 70% score on exit examinations. You will then have the skills and mental aptitude to become a criminal investigator, immigration information officer, detention officer, inspector, or some yet to be defined authoritarian cop. Minorities and women will be given priority consideration and all will be required to participate in "special ethnic observances designed to enhance cross-cultural awareness and promote harmony."

As the inmates are recruited to run the asylum, Mexican president Fox gleefully reports that U.S. dollars graciously sent home by Mexican workers in America now make up the majority of his nation's GNP. With all this good news I feel a lot safer with the Homeland Security goons keeping watch. I suppose it would be of little use to advise the Texan George Bush to "Remember the Alamo."

From somewhere outside the beltway,